Everyone’s busy analyzing the eight women of the WTA year-end championships. Jelena looks tired, no one can beat Kim (well, no one has beaten Kim), is Vera going to have a meltdown, can Caroline retain the number 1 ranking, can Vera steal it from Caroline, etc. etc. What you haven’t read is the below (I guarantee you haven’t). So please indulge me in a little bit of irrelevant analysis, what I’d like to call, “current pop hits and their relation to the WTA Championships qualifiers.” Enjoy.
1) Francesca Schiavone, Cee Lo Green – Forget You: “Yeah I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari, But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.”
- Why: No, not just because of the Italian car reference, but because the “F-off” nature of the song is so comparable to Fran’s attitude. And hey, she’s 30 years old, but that don’t mean she can’t get herself there. And I’m sure after winning the French Open this year, she can afford a Ferrari, or two.
2) Jelena Jankovic, Nelly – Just a Dream: “I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement. Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.”
- Why: Remember when Jelena first became world number 1? Wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, it lasted only a week. But then she reclaimed the spot for a little while, but I’m pretty sure that was “just a dream.”
3) Elena Dementieva, Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart: “There’s no point trying to hide it. No point trying to evade it. I know I gotta problem. By doing misbehaving. If you fall for me. I’m not easy to please. Imma tear you apart. Told you from the start, baby from the start. I’m only gonna break break – ya break break – ya heart.”
- Why: Wimbledon 2009 – Semifinal loss to Serena Williams. French Open 2010 – Semifinal retirement to Francesca Schiavone. My heart can’t take much more, Elena! But, you’ll always have Beijing (except for this year, when you loss to Ana Ivanovic in the 3rd round – ouch).
4) Kim Clijsters, Will.i.am – Check it out: “Step up in the party like my name was Mr. T. All these hating magazines got nothing on me. Honestly I can stay as fly as I can be.”
- Why: She came, she saw, she conquered, she left, she gave birth, she came, she conquered, she conquered… ok you get the point. I remember at some point there was all that talk of “can Kim come out of retirement and succeed?” Well, check it out. She did. And then oops, she did it again (oh that’s another song).
5) Sam Stosur, La Roux – Bulletproof: “Tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch, and life’s too short for me to stop, oh, baby, your time is running out. I won’t let you turn around, and tell me now I’m much too proud. All you do is fill me up with doubt. This time baby, I’ll be, bulletproof.”
- Why: Four doubles Grand Slam trophies not enough for you? At only 26 years of age, Sam’s got a lot more tennis time on her racquet. Why not play some singles and rock it? Sure, she lost in the finals of the French Open this year. But I don’t think she’ll let that happen again, next time.
6) Caroline Wozniacki, B.O.B – Magic: “I kick it like Adidas, flowin’ sticky like adhesive. Be cautious, ’cause what I be on’ll leave you with amnesia. I break all the rules like Evel Knievel.”
- Why: Isn’t the reference to Adidas enough? Caro has broken all the rules and proved many critics wrong. 2010 was a banner year for our reigning world number 1 and, dare I say, magical?
7) Vera Zvonareva, Taylor Swift – Mean: “Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Someday, I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Why you gotta be so mean?
- Why: Perhaps an ode to Vera, she’s just so darn mean to herself sometimes! 2009 was full of tantrums, but in 2010 we definitely saw a calmer, more Zen Vera, until the US Open finals. Vera let the mean girl out after playing oh-so-dismally against Clijsters. Mean Vera is entertaining though.
8) Victoria Azarenka, Ke$ha – Tik Tok: “Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. Put my glasses on, I’m out the door – I’m gonna hit this city.”
- Why: Couldn’t help but harp on the fact that Vika resembles Ke$ha. And the reason for the song choice? She’s young, she’s fun…ok, I’m done.